I did this sketch while I was on a CE scheme in Nicholas Of Myra Parish centre.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
SPORT OF AGES(SHORT STORY)
I can clearly remember my first job. Oh I must have been about fifteen.
“I know you’ve just finished your exams, but you’ve got to think about your future?” announced my mother.
I stared at her blankly.
I hadn’t decided what to do next!
Like many of my friends, I wondered if I’d written enough in the exams. My teachers had great hopes for me. They had already discussed with me the possible subjects I’d being doing for the Leaving Cert,
That morning my mother had demanded “While you’re thinking get a job, I don’t want you under my bloody feet!”
So I aimlessly sauntered down the main street, with nothing better to do.
I noticed the sign in Mooney’s Bar and Restaurant. The job was for, a lounge boy. I thought it’d be a nice little earner. The pay wasn’t great, (three quid an hour) but I didn’t care. Yes what could be difficult, about taking orders and serving drinks. I can remember thinking, I’m over qualified for this job. Mooney’s was an old man’s pub, so none of my friends would see me, if I made a mess of the job.
I strutted through the oak panelled doors, like gunfighter walking into a saloon. Mr Mooney sitting at the wooden bar reading his newspaper. It was what I consider to be an old man’s pub. The décor was wooden benches and dowdy coloured stools, and I figured the place had needed a fresh coat of paint. There wasn’t the usual big screen that was in most of the bars I drank in. I noticed a small TV in the corner.
Another thing I noticed was silent jukebox. I felt certain that my friends would never drink here.
“Can I help you son?” he asked, not even looking up from his newspaper.
My confidence was suddenly drained from me.
I didn’t want to appear too cocky or too timid.
“I’m here about the lounge boy job,”
He lowered his bifocals and examined me, up and down as if he was buying a new suit. I wondered did I meet with his approval? In my naivety, I didn’t realise how shrewd a man he was. I would later learn that he was one of the key players, in a game I’d just started.
“You’re Rita Barker’s boy aren’t you?”
I didn’t know how to answer him, because he’d a brief relationship with my mother before she’d married.
Surely he wouldn’t hold any bad feelings he had for my mother, against me.
“Yeah I’m Roger Barker,”
I hoped I didn’t sound too forceful.
“Well Roger have you any experience in a bar before?”
I thought for a moment. What was I going to say?
“No but I’m a quicker learner,”
I figured he’d heard that answer several times before.
“I’m a bit short staffed, so if you can come back later, say about seven…”
The excitement got the better of me.
“Does that mean I’ve got the job,”
He just fixed a stare on me.
“I haven’t decided, I’ll see how you get on tonight,”
There was something about his forced smile that unnerved me.
I walked home, because I didn’t live too far from Mooney’s. But I couldn’t get his smile out of my mind. I like to think of myself as a good judge of character. But I couldn’t figure out why the smile was troubling me.
* * *
“Mum, I’ve got a job as a lounge boy in Mooney’s,” I remarked, when my mother placed my dinner in front of me.
I could see the look of displeasure in my mother’s face.
“Well, you wanted from under your feet!”
She gave me one of that said don’t even go there.
“You could at least wish me luck,”
“I suppose there’s no talking you out of it!”
I made up my mind there was no changing it. I was going through my rebellious stage.
“Sometimes I think you’re too much like your father!”
I was slightly disappointed that I wasn’t going to get her approval.
“So what time does old Mooney want to you to start?"
I could hear the contempt in her voice, their relationship must have ended badly. But like my grandmother she seldom spoke about the past.
The past was a thorny subject in my house. I guess it all began when my father one day decided to up and leave. I don’t have many memories of my father, because he left when I was about six. I’d asked her once about him, she’d replied “You don’t want to know!”
I knew from old that was her way of wanting to change the subject.
I finished my dinner in silence. I put on my coat. I could see that she wasn’t ever going to happy with my job. But I would have liked a good luck kiss, but it didn’t happen. That was typical of my mother, who was convinced showing emotions, was a sign of weakness! But I thought she might make an exception this time.
I strolled into the crowded pub. A shiver went down my spine, because I’d set in motion a .chain of events, which couldn’t be stopped.
My employer greeted me with a warm smile, maybe I was over reacting maybe things would work out ok. He handed me an apron with the pub’s name on it.
“ See what those two ladies over there would like to drink?” he stated handing me a notepad and pen.
I walked casually over to their table. They seemed innocent, but I was about to learn that looks can be very deceptive.
“You’re new aren’t you?” asked one of the ladies, who was old enough to be my grandmother.
I must admit, the question threw me a bit.
“Well yes, what would you ladies like to drink?” I asked flipping open my notepad and clicking my pen ready to take their order.
The ladies just looked at me, as if they were looking at a new dress.
“What’s your name?” demanded one of the ladies.
At the time it seemed a very innocent question to me!
“Roger,”I replied with a smile.
The opening shots of their little game had been fire in my direction. The objective was clear, embarrass me!
Her friend pinched my bum.
“I think he’s a bit on the thin side, I like them with a bit more muscle,” observed the one just pinched my bum.
They reminded me of the two of the three witches from Macbeth!
What had I let myself in for?
“ I think you’re embarrass’ the lad!”
I could feel myself going red. Determined not to show my discomfort, I posed with my pen and chose to ignore their comments.
“Wwwhat can I get yyou..”
My hand started to shake ever so slightly, hoping that they didn’t see it.
“Your phone number,” requested Elsie, the oldest of the group.
I didn’t know where to look normally it was younger women who came on to me.
Fixing my glaze, hoping I came across as confidence. She was old enough to be my granny!
“I’ll leave you aalone and let you decide what you want to drink?”
I walked away from the table, and towards the couple at the next table.
“Oh Roger, we’re ready to order!” said Elsie seductively..
I glared at my boss, who was busy pulling a pint for a customer. His body language told me it was my problem and you better deal with it.
I pretended that I didn’t hear them and cleared away some glasses. Much to my annoyance, she blew me a kiss.
With sheer determination, I wasn’t going to let two old ladies intimate me, so I strolled up to the table stood motionless in front of them.
“Well what do you want?”
Waiting I half expected a smart answer, but I didn’t get one.
“Two Vodkas, and your phone number,”
She winked at me.
Her companion laughed at my situation. Her laugh made me cringe
I took their order, and returned to the counter.
“Those ladies giving you a tough time!” observed Mr Mooney taking the order from me.
“You could say that!”
I could see that smile, as he filled the two glasses with vodka and place them on a tray.
“The first rule of business, is to keep the customer happy,” he said handing me the tray.
If I’d wanted words of courage, I didn’t receive them from him.
“There you are ladies,” I said as placed to the drinks in front of them.
Just then I heard You’re the one that I want by John Travolta blaring from the jukebox in the corner. Elsie grabbed me and started to dance. I wasn’t used to dancing, because I had two left feet.
At that very moment I wished I was elsewhere. I was very glad my friends weren’t here. It took me a couple of minutes to get free from her grip. My discomfort seemed to amuse her
“Hi Roger,” shouted one of my friends as he came into the bar. Course Christine was with him. I have only trying to get into her knickers since first year, but Elsie had ruined any chance I might have had!
“I didn’t know you went for older women!” retorted Billy, my best friend as he walked into the bar.
I was seriously thinking of emigrating to say Australia!
I would never live this down, once Billy opened his gob to rest of my mates. My street cred was rapidly disappearing.
Elsie pulled me closer. I tried to pull away, but I think she must been a regular visitor to the gym. She was so close I could smell her sweaty armpits. I wondered how long the song was? Would she release me after it or would I be her prisoner for the rest of the night?
“ I’mm sssorry but I have a job to do, Mr mmooney won’t employ me if I don’t do it!”
She decided to release me after the song finished.
Mr Mooney got my attention and said “Hey Travolta, I’m not paying you to dance with the customers, the Ladies is out of order so I want you to stand at the door of the Gents to make sure there’s no funny business,”
She pinched me in the bum as I ran away from her.
“Ah come on we’re only having a bit of a laugh, isn’t that right Bridie,” she shouted, her voice could be heard across the bar. I felt as if the eyes in the pub were turned in my direction.
“It’s me birthday,” Bridie chipped in.
I was the birthday entertainment.
“You what I know want!” cooed Elsie.
I knew all to well what she meant.
From the corner of my eye, I could see Billy laughing.
These ladies were determined to embarrass the hell out of me.
At that moment, I was glad old Mooney had given me a reason to be somewhere else.
I took my place at the door to the Gents.
Elsie blew me a kiss, I prayed and hoped that my friends hadn’t seen it.
Billy laughing at my embarrassment..
I wondered was it at me, or something funny Christine had said to him.
Bridie walked into the Gents and said “ Is yours as big as your shoe size?”
I honestly didn’t where to look.
“What are you doing after your shift?” she said as she winked at me.
I was getting redder by the minute.
She finally remembered why she’d come into the Gents and stormed passed me.
I heard from inside the toilet “So this is where the big knobs hang out!”
Two bikers who I considered hard men, came running out, both of them give me filth looks.
Birdie rather innocently exited with the biggest smile I’ve seen.
Mooney is not happy with this and orders me back to serving tables.
Course the witches want drinks, so I try to muster up courage.
“What’s keeping Maggie?” wondered Bridie.
I watched as Elsie rummaged in her bag. I looked as an Anne Summer’s Platinum loyalty card and receipt for chocolate penises falls onto the table. She winked at me she finally found her mobile. I went to the bar to fetch the drinks.
“Hi Maggie, there’s a new lounge boy in Mooney’s, he’s only…”
I thought now’s the best time make a quick exit, before her friend arrived.
“You can pay for your drinks at the bar!”
I took off my apron and threw it onto the counter. Mr Mooney just looked at me, and pulled a pint for a customer.
I slammed the bar door, swearing to myself that I’d never set foot in the place as long as I lived!
Those two ladies had knocked the confidence out of me. Now I knew why the pub had such a high turnover of lounge boys.
The following day, I wandered passed the pub, feeling totally dejected. Mr Mooney invited me in.
“What happened last night, you left in such a hurry!” he enquired.
I wondered was he possibly not aware of what happened last night!
“You know the ladies, took a shine to you!”
Well if I never saw them again, I’d die a happy man.
“The job’s yours if you still want it!”
Did he seriously want to employ me after what happened last night!
“The previous lounge boys left before serving them drinks!”
The penny suddenly dropped that had been my interview.
T H E E N D
“I know you’ve just finished your exams, but you’ve got to think about your future?” announced my mother.
I stared at her blankly.
I hadn’t decided what to do next!
Like many of my friends, I wondered if I’d written enough in the exams. My teachers had great hopes for me. They had already discussed with me the possible subjects I’d being doing for the Leaving Cert,
That morning my mother had demanded “While you’re thinking get a job, I don’t want you under my bloody feet!”
So I aimlessly sauntered down the main street, with nothing better to do.
I noticed the sign in Mooney’s Bar and Restaurant. The job was for, a lounge boy. I thought it’d be a nice little earner. The pay wasn’t great, (three quid an hour) but I didn’t care. Yes what could be difficult, about taking orders and serving drinks. I can remember thinking, I’m over qualified for this job. Mooney’s was an old man’s pub, so none of my friends would see me, if I made a mess of the job.
I strutted through the oak panelled doors, like gunfighter walking into a saloon. Mr Mooney sitting at the wooden bar reading his newspaper. It was what I consider to be an old man’s pub. The décor was wooden benches and dowdy coloured stools, and I figured the place had needed a fresh coat of paint. There wasn’t the usual big screen that was in most of the bars I drank in. I noticed a small TV in the corner.
Another thing I noticed was silent jukebox. I felt certain that my friends would never drink here.
“Can I help you son?” he asked, not even looking up from his newspaper.
My confidence was suddenly drained from me.
I didn’t want to appear too cocky or too timid.
“I’m here about the lounge boy job,”
He lowered his bifocals and examined me, up and down as if he was buying a new suit. I wondered did I meet with his approval? In my naivety, I didn’t realise how shrewd a man he was. I would later learn that he was one of the key players, in a game I’d just started.
“You’re Rita Barker’s boy aren’t you?”
I didn’t know how to answer him, because he’d a brief relationship with my mother before she’d married.
Surely he wouldn’t hold any bad feelings he had for my mother, against me.
“Yeah I’m Roger Barker,”
I hoped I didn’t sound too forceful.
“Well Roger have you any experience in a bar before?”
I thought for a moment. What was I going to say?
“No but I’m a quicker learner,”
I figured he’d heard that answer several times before.
“I’m a bit short staffed, so if you can come back later, say about seven…”
The excitement got the better of me.
“Does that mean I’ve got the job,”
He just fixed a stare on me.
“I haven’t decided, I’ll see how you get on tonight,”
There was something about his forced smile that unnerved me.
I walked home, because I didn’t live too far from Mooney’s. But I couldn’t get his smile out of my mind. I like to think of myself as a good judge of character. But I couldn’t figure out why the smile was troubling me.
* * *
“Mum, I’ve got a job as a lounge boy in Mooney’s,” I remarked, when my mother placed my dinner in front of me.
I could see the look of displeasure in my mother’s face.
“Well, you wanted from under your feet!”
She gave me one of that said don’t even go there.
“You could at least wish me luck,”
“I suppose there’s no talking you out of it!”
I made up my mind there was no changing it. I was going through my rebellious stage.
“Sometimes I think you’re too much like your father!”
I was slightly disappointed that I wasn’t going to get her approval.
“So what time does old Mooney want to you to start?"
I could hear the contempt in her voice, their relationship must have ended badly. But like my grandmother she seldom spoke about the past.
The past was a thorny subject in my house. I guess it all began when my father one day decided to up and leave. I don’t have many memories of my father, because he left when I was about six. I’d asked her once about him, she’d replied “You don’t want to know!”
I knew from old that was her way of wanting to change the subject.
I finished my dinner in silence. I put on my coat. I could see that she wasn’t ever going to happy with my job. But I would have liked a good luck kiss, but it didn’t happen. That was typical of my mother, who was convinced showing emotions, was a sign of weakness! But I thought she might make an exception this time.
I strolled into the crowded pub. A shiver went down my spine, because I’d set in motion a .chain of events, which couldn’t be stopped.
My employer greeted me with a warm smile, maybe I was over reacting maybe things would work out ok. He handed me an apron with the pub’s name on it.
“ See what those two ladies over there would like to drink?” he stated handing me a notepad and pen.
I walked casually over to their table. They seemed innocent, but I was about to learn that looks can be very deceptive.
“You’re new aren’t you?” asked one of the ladies, who was old enough to be my grandmother.
I must admit, the question threw me a bit.
“Well yes, what would you ladies like to drink?” I asked flipping open my notepad and clicking my pen ready to take their order.
The ladies just looked at me, as if they were looking at a new dress.
“What’s your name?” demanded one of the ladies.
At the time it seemed a very innocent question to me!
“Roger,”I replied with a smile.
The opening shots of their little game had been fire in my direction. The objective was clear, embarrass me!
Her friend pinched my bum.
“I think he’s a bit on the thin side, I like them with a bit more muscle,” observed the one just pinched my bum.
They reminded me of the two of the three witches from Macbeth!
What had I let myself in for?
“ I think you’re embarrass’ the lad!”
I could feel myself going red. Determined not to show my discomfort, I posed with my pen and chose to ignore their comments.
“Wwwhat can I get yyou..”
My hand started to shake ever so slightly, hoping that they didn’t see it.
“Your phone number,” requested Elsie, the oldest of the group.
I didn’t know where to look normally it was younger women who came on to me.
Fixing my glaze, hoping I came across as confidence. She was old enough to be my granny!
“I’ll leave you aalone and let you decide what you want to drink?”
I walked away from the table, and towards the couple at the next table.
“Oh Roger, we’re ready to order!” said Elsie seductively..
I glared at my boss, who was busy pulling a pint for a customer. His body language told me it was my problem and you better deal with it.
I pretended that I didn’t hear them and cleared away some glasses. Much to my annoyance, she blew me a kiss.
With sheer determination, I wasn’t going to let two old ladies intimate me, so I strolled up to the table stood motionless in front of them.
“Well what do you want?”
Waiting I half expected a smart answer, but I didn’t get one.
“Two Vodkas, and your phone number,”
She winked at me.
Her companion laughed at my situation. Her laugh made me cringe
I took their order, and returned to the counter.
“Those ladies giving you a tough time!” observed Mr Mooney taking the order from me.
“You could say that!”
I could see that smile, as he filled the two glasses with vodka and place them on a tray.
“The first rule of business, is to keep the customer happy,” he said handing me the tray.
If I’d wanted words of courage, I didn’t receive them from him.
“There you are ladies,” I said as placed to the drinks in front of them.
Just then I heard You’re the one that I want by John Travolta blaring from the jukebox in the corner. Elsie grabbed me and started to dance. I wasn’t used to dancing, because I had two left feet.
At that very moment I wished I was elsewhere. I was very glad my friends weren’t here. It took me a couple of minutes to get free from her grip. My discomfort seemed to amuse her
“Hi Roger,” shouted one of my friends as he came into the bar. Course Christine was with him. I have only trying to get into her knickers since first year, but Elsie had ruined any chance I might have had!
“I didn’t know you went for older women!” retorted Billy, my best friend as he walked into the bar.
I was seriously thinking of emigrating to say Australia!
I would never live this down, once Billy opened his gob to rest of my mates. My street cred was rapidly disappearing.
Elsie pulled me closer. I tried to pull away, but I think she must been a regular visitor to the gym. She was so close I could smell her sweaty armpits. I wondered how long the song was? Would she release me after it or would I be her prisoner for the rest of the night?
“ I’mm sssorry but I have a job to do, Mr mmooney won’t employ me if I don’t do it!”
She decided to release me after the song finished.
Mr Mooney got my attention and said “Hey Travolta, I’m not paying you to dance with the customers, the Ladies is out of order so I want you to stand at the door of the Gents to make sure there’s no funny business,”
She pinched me in the bum as I ran away from her.
“Ah come on we’re only having a bit of a laugh, isn’t that right Bridie,” she shouted, her voice could be heard across the bar. I felt as if the eyes in the pub were turned in my direction.
“It’s me birthday,” Bridie chipped in.
I was the birthday entertainment.
“You what I know want!” cooed Elsie.
I knew all to well what she meant.
From the corner of my eye, I could see Billy laughing.
These ladies were determined to embarrass the hell out of me.
At that moment, I was glad old Mooney had given me a reason to be somewhere else.
I took my place at the door to the Gents.
Elsie blew me a kiss, I prayed and hoped that my friends hadn’t seen it.
Billy laughing at my embarrassment..
I wondered was it at me, or something funny Christine had said to him.
Bridie walked into the Gents and said “ Is yours as big as your shoe size?”
I honestly didn’t where to look.
“What are you doing after your shift?” she said as she winked at me.
I was getting redder by the minute.
She finally remembered why she’d come into the Gents and stormed passed me.
I heard from inside the toilet “So this is where the big knobs hang out!”
Two bikers who I considered hard men, came running out, both of them give me filth looks.
Birdie rather innocently exited with the biggest smile I’ve seen.
Mooney is not happy with this and orders me back to serving tables.
Course the witches want drinks, so I try to muster up courage.
“What’s keeping Maggie?” wondered Bridie.
I watched as Elsie rummaged in her bag. I looked as an Anne Summer’s Platinum loyalty card and receipt for chocolate penises falls onto the table. She winked at me she finally found her mobile. I went to the bar to fetch the drinks.
“Hi Maggie, there’s a new lounge boy in Mooney’s, he’s only…”
I thought now’s the best time make a quick exit, before her friend arrived.
“You can pay for your drinks at the bar!”
I took off my apron and threw it onto the counter. Mr Mooney just looked at me, and pulled a pint for a customer.
I slammed the bar door, swearing to myself that I’d never set foot in the place as long as I lived!
Those two ladies had knocked the confidence out of me. Now I knew why the pub had such a high turnover of lounge boys.
The following day, I wandered passed the pub, feeling totally dejected. Mr Mooney invited me in.
“What happened last night, you left in such a hurry!” he enquired.
I wondered was he possibly not aware of what happened last night!
“You know the ladies, took a shine to you!”
Well if I never saw them again, I’d die a happy man.
“The job’s yours if you still want it!”
Did he seriously want to employ me after what happened last night!
“The previous lounge boys left before serving them drinks!”
The penny suddenly dropped that had been my interview.
T H E E N D
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